dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
