Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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