The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am full of burrito and curiosity
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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