just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
