How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
