I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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