Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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