East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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