so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
