Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize