I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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