Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Randomize
