I don't usually arrange sex via text message
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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