I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he was CRYING into my vagina
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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