btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
