I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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