Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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