It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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