70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize