Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
