i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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