Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
