Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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