He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
