he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
