If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
