It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
