I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
