I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize