i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
