just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize