im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Found your dick twin last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
