so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
