His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize