the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
