I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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