For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
