Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
