I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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