I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Text me some of your sweat
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