well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
