I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
