ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she told me i tasted like america
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize