oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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