Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
