i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
