no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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