Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
