My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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