Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
