he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize