The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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