I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
