I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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