why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
