You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
