She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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