I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
