he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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