Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
