i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
