it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I touched a dick in church today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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