There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dear god my vagina.
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