I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
