He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
