Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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