the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will be naked everywhere
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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