i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
