Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
