Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I could fuck to npr.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
